literature

FTM coming out letter.

Deviation Actions

Published: Mar 28, 2011

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Dear Mom,

I love you. You raised me perfectly. Please don't let this letter make you doubt that. It is because of you, that I'm the person I am today. Please keep an open mind about this, and that no matter what happens, I will always be your child. I'll simply say this right now, I'm not pregnant, I'm not on drugs and I don't drink. That's not what this is about. My hand is shaking as I write this, it's really hard for me. In all honesty, I'm terrified about what you will think, and how you will react. I'm still the same person I've always been, your only child, and nothing will ever change that. This is also not a phase, mom. I haven't made this decision based on the past couple days, the past couple weeks, or the past couple months. I've been feeling this way for well over two years now.
I hate this, mom. The feeling that I don't belong in my own body. It's like my mind is linked elsewhere. This body of mine is just a shell. I have the body of a girl, but the mind of a boy. I know this probably sounds ridiculous, but I can't really word it any other way. I can't help the way I feel, or the way that you will react. I'll never be like before. Skirts, bows, makeup, nailpolish... I'll never be that girl again. Please don't HOPE this is a phase, because Its not. I am a boy, a male, a man. Emotionally, of course. You have a choice, love me or don't. Keep me or don't. Whatever happens, know that you're the best parent that a child could ask for. I'm sorry I won't grow up to be a beautiful woman, I'm sorry that I'm not the daughter you raised for the past fifteen years. I tried so hard, please believe me. I don't like lying to the people I love, and going on like this is hurting me. I'm not afraid of who I am anymore, and I've come to terms with accepting myself and embracing who I really am. I hope you can find it in yourself to accept me as well. You may argue, "You're too young to expirence something like that," then please tell me, why am I? If I'm too young to be the person I really am, then what exactly is my purpose in life? I want to live freely and be compllimented on who I am inside rather then this body I'm trapped in. I try so hard to be happy with is, but I can't help but wish for a more masculine apperance, for a smaller chest. Selfish or not, this is how I feel. I can't be who I really am. I can't express my true self in this body. I don't want there to be crying, anger or frustration when you finish reading this. I love you mom, I really do. I could have never asked for a greater parent. No, this isn't because you didn't dress me 'girly' enough as a kid. No, this is not because you don't do enough 'girly' things with me, so please don't try that now. Nothing can change who I am, or what I've become. I am human. I am your child. Please help me to understand myself more, mom. For I think you know me better then I know myself. You've been with me through thick and thin, through smooth and sharp. I'm not asking you to understand completly, but I am asking you to help me discover myself, and to support me in whatever path I take in life.
One of the most important things that I've discovered in my life, is that where I was, and where I'm going, is inevitability where I will be found.
I love you with all my heart.

Love,
Your son.

_{I've been lurking around on dA for a while, reading other FTM's coming out letters, and I was inspired to write one myself. I wrote this, of course, keeping in mind the things mentioned in other letters, and added some things that would help build onto the message I was trying to portray. Don't shoot me, k.

I'm actually considering giving this to my mom, but I have no idea how she will react. . _.; I give kudos to all of you LGBT's who have come out to your parents, because words cannot describe the feeling of absolute terror I get when I attempt to sit my mother down to talk.

The last quote, which is one of my favorite quotes of all time, I originally heard from 'skylarkeleven' on YouTube. He is a truly amazing individual, check him out!

I don't really have much else to say... I just hope things work out when I try to talk to my mom. ._.
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edit:
Thank-you all so much for the supportive comments.
For the time being, I've learned to accept the fact that I have the body of a female right now. And there isn't anything I can do about it at the time being.
No, this wasn't a phase. I'm terribly gender confused. I've went through a lot since I wrote this, and I've learned tons about myself. Thank-you all.}